Veil of Tears

Last week was a hard week for me emotionally, and the result of grieving for people I don't even know.  The standout examples were: a local family who lost their month-old baby boy a week and a half ago; a family serving a medical mission to Kenya who lost their 15 month-old baby girl, essentially moving from "fine" to deadly ill in the space of just a few days (read their faithful, God-glorifying, heartbreaking story here ); and an article I came across by chance about 4 teens who flipped their car into a river and drowned, not found until the following morning.  

Ugh.  So many tears.  

This world is so often "a veil of tears," as Anne Shirley might describe it. 

Proud

Last night we got home at 9:40, following a whirlwind weekend trip to be with my brother for his last home college lacrosse game.  We were so glad we could go down and spend the time with him, and I am proudproudproud 

of my brother! 

#willjohnson3 #freedomconferencechampions

(#twoyearsrunning)

In order to preserve my hubby's delicate Northern-European skin, I drove us most of the way home, beginning at the northern terminus of the PA turnpike.  (The driver's seat was an especially sunny place to be in the late afternoon...)  I did not intend to drive all the way home, but Jesus kept me nice and alert, without even the help of caffeine!  I was pretty amazed (and thankful) for that gift.

Right to Health

I too would LOVE to see "the right to health (taken) out of the hands of insurance companies who's goal is to make money not save lives and giving everyone an equal shot at a healthy life." It bothers me no end that, even with insurance, it costs me over $80 to visit my physicians assistant to get a prescription for the thing I already knew I needed, not to speak of the health questions I wonder about and will never clinically "investigate." However, there are too many details of this legislation that actually transfer control of Americans' health and wellness decisions to the hands of the government. I do not and cannot believe that the government knows what we need better than we know it ourselves, and they have no business setting themselves in that place over us. And all this focus on the classes? Again, it is maddening and heartbreaking--but NOT the government's job to bandage these wounds. If the government would redirect its focus to supporting the religious and social organizations that focus on helping the helpless, the problems would be unimaginably smaller. The United States of America was founded as a constitutional democracy, but it is moving rapidly toward the principles of a socialist republic, because in many ways we've chosen the easier route of giving the government responsibility for us, whether or not we realize it. And socialist republics? In time, they crumble and fall because liberty and the individual have been smothered out of them. It has never led to prosperity, so why should we be compelled to repeat their mistakes?

My Lewis

My Lewis is three years old today.  I keep being surprised when I think about how much time has passed since he joined our family.  And when I think about it, I lament the fact that I've recorded essentially zero information about his growth and development, his likes and dislikes, his endearing little habits.  

If I picked one word to describe my second son, i

Out of Control

There is a connection between this and my two-days-ago post, I promise.  Bear with me.  

Forgive the imperfect analogy here--this scene from The Passion of the Christ portrays Satan's raw emotion at the death of Jesus (whether it's triumphant or despairing...I'm not going to research the director's intent with this scene because it isn't the point).   The point is that this picture of fury is what came to my mind as representing 

my own out-of-control emotions.  

Obviously, I don't (often) succumb enough to actually make those noises.  But on the inside?  Yep, I feel just like this more often than I'd really care to admit.  

The feelings are real.  The battle is real, folks.

And I'm sharing this because when I am in the grip of anger, frustration, despairing feelings, I feel like I must be the only one.  

But the truth is that I am not the only one, and neither are you.  So let's talk about it and bear one another's burdens a little better.  

I have such ugly feelings.  I am so ultra-aware of how ugly my feelings are these days, and I praise Jesus and go to church and feel the burden of my broken, hopeless, human heart and decide that "today is the day--no more--my emotions can no longer fuel me--the buck stops here--the end of me--I must decrease, and He must increase."  

And I write down the lyrics to this song--

No turning back,I've made up my mind.I'm giving all of my life this time.Your love makes it worth itYour love makes it worth it allYour love makes it worth it all.

--precisely because it captures the strength of my conviction and simultaneously reminds me of another sermon I heard about Abraham: it was a living sacrifice.  
  

 Advent

 I am going through an Advent devotional this year with a unique concept: it uses the music of Handel's Messiah as the access point to experiencing the waiting for and joy of Jesus.  Wow!  

I am finding a few interesting things as I read and listen.  For one, I am not sure if I have ever heard or sung Handel's Messiah all the way through.  I have performed at least parts of it in choirs.  But the ironic thing is that I don't really like most of the music itself; I just don't find it very melodious.  If I have sung the Messiah all the way through, it is so unmelodious and sort of uninteresting to me that I don't remember it, ha!  

BUT, I have also never really paid attention to it.  "Charles Jennens crafted an abridged story of the Messiah using only Scripture.  He gave this libretto to Handel, and Handel brilliantly composed music that reanimated the words to reflect the intended emotions.  Using musical elements like vibrato and prestissimo, he makes the story of the Messiah come alive again to us and we experience something different, something necessary about God's Word--His heart."  Handel chose the text of the Messiah 100% from scripture, and wrote the music for it in only 24 days.  Wow!  

Roaring: Another Thing I've Never Done Before