:0) / :0(

Estimated closing on Markham Street in a week and a half :0)

I wrote our new address out officially for the first time yesterday at the eye doctor's :0)

I spent way too much time last night browsing on Amazon; dining tables inhabited my dreams, and I've already thought of 2 things I want to add to my Wish List :0(

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." Isaiah 26:3-4

Stationed at the Watchpost

[Sharing with you my quiet time journaling this morning]

Father, I asked where I should read this morning, and almost instantly I heard "Habakkuk."

I did not remember that it is out of Habakkuk that Mark Virkler found his 4 Keys to hearing Your voice :0) [Andy and I attended this conference at our church last weekend; excellent.]

2:1-2 "I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what He will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint.  And the Lord answered me, 'Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.'"

This whole book is like a cultural conversation with You about the state of our nation.

Habakkuk's complaint could be boiled down to, "Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong? (1:3a)...guilty men, whose own might is their god! (1:11b)"

And the Lord replies to him, in essence, "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded.  For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told (1:5)...For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie.  If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay (2:3)...For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea (2:14)."  

[And this is what Habakkuk's conversation with God reminds me about my culture:]

H          O          P          E

How'm I Doing With Those Goals?

I did a math-y thing during quiet time this morning.  I mean, I don't think it would stand up to a statistical analysis, but I was proud enough of my method to show it off to my hubby across the kitchen table when I was through :0)  

Since we are substantially into autumn (the feeling of the season, if not according to the calendar), I decided it would be wise to assess my performance in the goals I've set for myself--something to do with Ephesians 5:15-17.  I wrote out 13 goals for myself, ranging from "reestablish a daily quiet time" to "connect with other stay-at-home moms" to "generate content for the library web page."  

And since we bought a house (because, yes, we DID buy that house on Markham Street!) and the majority of my time and thought process for the rest of autumn will be spent on moving our family to a new home, I need to make extra sure that I still give some attention to these goals.  I did, after all, make them intentionally and (still) consider (most of) them important.   

So, in the photo is the math-y part, where I see how my performance stacks up on a scale of 1-10.  The good news is I'm doing really well on the two most important goals [daily quiet time (10) and enriching my prayer life (9)]!  And the other good news is that, having reassessed my goals, I have a clear picture of where I need to focus my energies to move from "goals" to "accomplishments"!  Using time wisely is a good feeling.  So good, in fact, that our God commands it of me--and of you! 

God Talking

Here's a disclaimer to begin my post: the final outcome of anything I'm writing about isn't yet known.  We're still busy waiting on God's just right timing to see how He'll unfold all these possibilities.  But a lot has unfolded lately.  

Two weeks ago, a prospective buyer came to see our house.  My prayer then was, "Father, whatever the outcome, please make this 'yes' or 'no' very clear very quickly, because I don't want to get my hopes up for weeks and have them dashed again."  (That's one of my specialties.)  So we waited 'til the other end of the weekend and got news back from our realtor: they loved everything about the house...except the bedrooms are too small.  Deal breaker.  So I cried a little and then brightened up, because I realized God absolutely answered my prayer.  I had no more than three days to plot out our future.  Thanks for taking care of my heart, Father.  

This week, on Tuesday, a knock on the front door interrupted our dinner.  Out of the blue, out of nowhere, the man on the other side of the door was interested in bringing his girlfriend up the next evening to see the house.  She and her two kids need somewhere to stay for a few months, then he'd plan to rent it out.  So they came, and they liked.  On Wednesday, he made a low-ball offer.  Nope, sorry, I said.  On Thursday he made a higher, but still too-low offer.  Andy messaged him back today with our counter and the offer of moving out in two weeks if we strike an agreeable deal.  The ball is in his court now!

Because of these open negotiations, and because our prospective buyer wants his girlfriend to be able to move in as soon as possible, we decided we ought to go see a house over in Lyons Falls that we've been very interested in seeing but haven't been very hurried about (remember my hopes-up syndrome?).  So, unexpectedly, it worked to go see it last night.  And we love it.  It's a beautiful little colonial that needs a few projects done on it--a very suitable compromise of a house for my fixer-upper loving hubby, and me, who wants to move right in to a house full of good character.  

Also unexpectedly, it has worked out that my father-in-law can come down tomorrow morning to see this house again with us and our also-available realtor. 

But this is actually all back story.  The main point of writing was to describe for you what happened yesterday in between receiving a still-low offer and arranging to see the red house: I heard the voice of God.  This is a big deal to me, because though I have certainly felt God's peace, God's blessing, God's answers to prayer, I have never been the person that can ask God a question and just have Him answer back.  "Conversational" has never described my prayer life.  Now, you might be thinking something along the lines of "Get a grip, Lydia," or "Time for a reality check," or just plain "You are going too far with this whole faith thing."  

But here's the deal.  When I received the second offer, my stomach was all in a dither over what to do.  My heart said that offer was too low and we needed to say 'no,' but my head just tried so hard to find a way to justify accepting it, mostly focusing on what a terrible sellers' climate we're in and that our house is only worth this only, first-ever offer.  And I didn't know how to pray about it, because I've given this situation over to God many times.  And I was not at peace, trying to either settle for a low-ball offer or settle for staying put in our little home for another indefinite amount of time.  And THEN!  Suddenly, not fitting in with my train of thought, came Proverbs 3: 5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and LEAN NOT on your own understanding.  In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." 

And that, folks, was the voice of God speaking to me in direct answer to my dithering heart.  Because what else is the Word of God but His voice spoken to us by the Spirit in due season, in the perfect moment?  So whatever the outcome--if we strike a deal and I need to pack up this house in two weeks and live in a room with friends for a few more weeks while we finalize the purchase of our new home...if our current negotiations fall through and it feels like we're back to square one...if something entirely different unfolds--I will trust in my Lord with all my heart, because that is what He's told me to do. 

The Magic of Beaver Camp

Tonight, Lewis was not ready to sleep at bedtime.  So I strapped him onto my front and headed out to "walk the floor" of Beaver Camp at dusk. 

This is the last week of residence camp for the summer, and the last week for several of our summer staff members.  It is surprisingly close to the end of this season of my life on year-round staff.  So it's a nostalgic time.  This morning, when I met with Rash, she commented that she's trying to soak in as many images of Camp's beauty as she can burn into her memory, because it's likely to be a long, long time before she'll see this wonderful place again.  I find myself doing the same thing because, though I'll be back here before Rash, I don't know when I'll be here next with campers, surrounded by the music of a summer camp preparing for nighttime.  

My walk around camp took me out to the end of the dock.  The evening is so serene, and the water reflects perfect images; the only ripples were sent out by my footsteps down the dock.  In each direction I saw, I listened to, many different scenes of quintessential Camp. 

At Fireside, behind the Pavilion, I heard the conviction of Jay Trainor's voice proclaiming the gospel for 13 year olds: "And they both heard the voice of God on the same subject--but Ananias heard that message out of a spirit of fear...Saul had to have a dramatic conversion, because..."  And then later I heard those 51 kids respond as one with their desire to take the message of Jesus to their peers. 

In Balsam, Ris and Libby's girls chatted and giggled as they dressed for tonight's game of Persecution.  Ris told me last Friday that when she was 14, she was my camper in Balsam for 13-14 week, and it was one of her favorite weeks of camp ever.  And now, during (likely) her last summer ever at Beaver Camp, she gets to counsel 13 and 14 year old girls...in Balsam.  She is so thrilled!  And my spirit rejoices and is thankful. 

Across the lake, a pontoon boat motors into port, it's buzz growing quieter as it moves further down the lake.  It reminds me that Beaver Lake is much larger than it appears from the shore of Camp.  That boat's home is marked by a small light shining brightly across the water. 

Somewhere out in the middle, two loons tremolo and wail to each other.  It is such haunting, beautiful music!  To be woken by loons on the lake at night is to experience quiet wonder, to smile in your half-sleep. 

Right next to me, the masts and moorings of our small fleet of boats squeaked and bobbed against their dock anchors and cleats.  That is a gentle murmuring, a comforting sound. 

On Chicken Coop Island, the jubilant shouts and laughter of 10 year old boys rose and fell and then turned into...wolf howls.  They are camping out tonight, and their fire and flashlights were barely visible through the trees at the middle of their little kingdom. 

This place has a large part of my heart, and I am so thankful for the ways that God has woven Beaver Camp into my own story.  I am so thankful for a son who wasn't ready to fall asleep, sending me out across Camp to discover the magic of this night. 

Topiaries

"Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit...Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me."  John 15:2,4

Father, thank you for this encouragement today.  Because you know what it tells me?  That I bear fruit for you, and so am worth pruning.  Thank you for pruning me and shaping me in to the topiary of everything you mean me to be.

Today I can pull weeds, and bake bread, and do more laundry, and play with my boys, and call for appointments, and write thank you notes, and organize a library binder, and go to church early this evening to share that beautiful library, and even share a meal with my church family.  Thank you, Father, for all the good things I can put my hands to today.  Amen. 

That was my journal entry this morning.  (Only my fifth entry since Lewis was born almost four months ago!)   The latest thing I am thankful for is that both boys are currently sleeping, and I decided to re-read this morning's thoughts.  Because now all my priorities are fresh on my mind again, so I can go tackle 'em :0)

Sink or Swim...Is Flounder an Option?

I learned to juggle in elementary gym class.  Using silk scarves.  I succeeded with those slow floaters, but I have never managed to juggle anything more substantial.  Right now, I am trying to juggle what feels like way too many responsibilities, and it makes me feel pretty unsuccessful.  You see, it isn't so much the main bullet points on my list (mothering and sweetie-pieing, keeping house, managing the Beaver Camp office, managing a church library renewal, miscellany).  It's that each of those bullet points is made up of about 111 sub-points.  My dad would want to know the current "job description" of each of these different projects, but to make a long, not-comprehensive list here would just sound like complaining.  And he'll be up for a visit at the other end of this weekend, so I can describe for him directly :0)  

It's going to be OK.  The library grand opening is June 17.  We will starting living at Camp part-time the first week of July, which will allow me to work more days with greater focus (because Lewis will be with daddy and Lincoln tramping around with campers, instead of under my desk).  And then, before we know it, September will come and with the changing leaves I will come home to be with my boys full time.  Writing about this reminded me of a section out of Rachel Jankovic's book Loving the Little Years, so I just flipped through awhile and will share her thoughts on my current feelings:

It was somewhere around this time that I realized I had better strike the word   overwhelmed from my vocabulary.

God gave me this to do.  I may not be overwhelmed about it.  I can try as hard as I can, and maybe fail sometimes.  I can try as hard as I can and fall asleep at the dinner table.  I can try as hard as I can and be completely burned out at the end of the day.  But I may not be overwhelmed.  Actually, I may be overwhelmed, but I may not say that I am overwhelmed!  The words have a real power over us.  If you say it, you allow it for yourself.  You give yourself that little bit of room to say, "But I can't!" (p. 41)

For a friend last night, the fragment of a verse came to mind: "keep him in perfect peace."  I love that my Bible has a concordance at the back, and it took me right to Isaiah 26:3, which says "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."  What a fitting reminder for right now, when my quiet time might need to happen while brushing my teeth.  But it's so much better than no quiet time at all.  Jehovah Jireh ("my Provider") and his Word must be the foundation of all I undertake to do.  Because everything that's needed (and He'll help to know what is and isn't needed) I can do through Christ who strengthens me!