Thursday, October 30, 2014

Libi, My Little, Little Loved One

October 16 was a big day for one reason only: I found out I was pregnant!  

There is a lot of joy in a positive pregnancy test.  And there was even more joy to find this little baby's due date to be June 22--right at the end of the school year, with the whole summer stretched out before us, exactly as we'd prayed for.  

We got one week of pure gladness over the joy of this baby, and then I started bleeding.  

I did not think much of it at first, because at the same point in my pregnancy, I bled a little with Lewis.  Obviously, he's perfectly whole and healthy.  So I hadn't even said anything to Andy yet.  But then it continued, a little bit heavier, and it just didn't seem right.  I spent Sunday morning in the ER, hoping to have a definite answer about what was happening.

They diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage, but really couldn't give me the definite answer yet.  Through the past week, I have had a total of four blood draws, two ultrasounds, an internal exam, and lots of conversations with the doctors and nurses.  Between that information and my own research, it looks like our little baby started life with the incomplete thing called a "blighted ovum," in which for some totally random reason vast amounts of chromosomal DNA information were just missing.  So my body got all excited to begin manufacturing Baby, and Baby grew until that vital information was needed for the next step.  And she couldn't grow any more.   

My body hasn't yet completed this process, and I am currently hoping and praying that the miscarry of my baby will happen thoroughly all by itself, with no further complications or questions.  We don't know now what the Lord's timing will be, but we know and choose to trust that He has promised us another child, and that His timing will somehow be more perfect than ours.  

We are so, so sad; another baby is a desire of Andy's and my heart, and a desire of our boys' hearts.  A friend of mine reminded me a few days ago of a beautiful thing, though: that even though we will never know this baby here, Someday, when we are finally Home, we will know our baby in her completeness, her perfection.  Jesus is the Author of Life, and every life is precious to Him.  As Dr. Seuss would say, a person's a person, no matter how small.  

And so I've named this baby.  Of course, there's no way to know if we were growing a little boy or a little girl, but we have been praying for a baby girl for months and months. 

Her name is Libi, which is Hebrew for "loved one, dear one, my heart."  And she already knows just how dear she is.  Thank you, Jesus.  


I have been reading Isaiah, and there are so many wondrous things it holds for my heart.  So if you need some encouragement straight from the heart of the Father, that I have applied to my situation and you can apply to yours, read on:

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you.' Isaiah 41:13
I will open rivers on the bare heights and fountains in the midst of the valleys.  I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water...that they may see and know, may consider and understand together, that the hand of the Lord has done this, the Holy One of Israel has created it. Isaiah 41:18,20
But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.  I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you.  Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.  Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you.  I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar, and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Isaiah 43:1-7
Even the darkness is not dark to You; the night is as bright as day, for darkness is as light to You. Psalm 139:12
But now hear, O Jacob my servant, Israel whom I have chosen!  Thus says the Lord who made you, who formed you from the womb and will help you: Fear not, O Jacob my servant, Jeshurun whom I have chosen.  For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.  They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams.  This one will say, 'I am the Lord's,' another will call on the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand, 'The Lord's,' and name himself by the name of Israel. Isaiah 44:1-5
For the sake of my servant Jacob, and Israel my chosen, I call you by name, I name you, though you do not know me.  I am the Lord, and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me.  I am the Lord, and there is no other.  I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity. I am the Lord, who does all these things. Isaiah 45:4-7
Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you.  I have made you, and I will bear; I will carry and I will save. Isaiah 46:3-4

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Choosing Peace

Last night my hubby wasn't able to be home until after 9:00pm.  These evenings, where my 1-on-1 with the boys lasts until the very, very end, are usually pretty strife-filled.  We just get cranky with each other, and it goes downhill fast.  

But not last night.  Last night I went ahead and did the work of making a real supper, one of the few that my little boys love just as much as Andy and I do: homemade macaroni and cheese.  And it was ready when they got up from their naps, and we set up in the living room, and had family movie night with The Muppets, and they ate all their peas and earned ice cream, and afterward I washed the dishes while they peacefully created works of art on scratch-off paper.  


That was the entire reason the flavor of the evening was so enjoyable.  And it's got me thinking again about the Peace that passes understanding, the only peace that has lasting effect and can change the flavor of...everything.  

"...the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  NOT AS THE WORLD GIVES DO I GIVE TO YOU.  Let not your hearts be troubled; neither let them be afraid." (John 14:26-27) "I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  BUT TAKE HEART: I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) -Jesus
"To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."  Romans 8:6 

If I can go ahead and discipline my mind to THINK on the Spirit, to CHOOSE the Peace that he offers me, even when I'm mad, even when I'm worried--ESPECIALLY right there where I'm mad, right there where I'm worried--then he offers me LIFE and PEACE.  I have to lay down my "right" to be mad, my "right" to be upset about what's going on around me--from screeching boys to ebola epidemics, from the impatience of waiting for a doctor's appointment to always wishing I had a breakfast chef--and choose to see what He shows me.  

His perspective brings peace, no matter what the chaos.