Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Ranting

This is my office-guest-craft-stash it room.  This is normal.  This also is an accurate picture of my brain at times like these. 

I am having an internal rant day.  Maybe by the end of this post I'll get over it; I don't always know where these posts will take me.  

I went to bed--as in, I was asleep by--8:30 last night.  Eight-plus hours of sleep.  Still woke up grumpy.  

I can't even write out all the stuff that just gets under my skin, especially early in the mornings.  It's a cumulation of little, insignificant things that don't matter much, but they add up and on top of the big things I'm carrying around in my brain and equal just too much.  

              little                                          big                                      just           
             stupid                     +          complicated               =                 too           
         insignificant                              important                                much                            
            bothers                               responsibilities              


It occurred to me in the midst of my grumpiness that a lot of my frustration stems from 


  • trying to be a working mother
  • without childcare
  • and without pay              
I want time and resources to be increased so I can do things like

enjoy my toddler while he's here with me * invest and engage more in the lives of my children: spiritually, educationally, in their fun quotient, family traditions, quality time... * homeschool them in the Scandinavian outdoor-exploration-problem-solving fashion * have time to make Christmas gifts for the people I care about * family Secret Santa projects, going out of our ways to bless other people in this season * go outside more * invest in spiritual retreat and formation time * build relationships * be a present, intentional neighbor * do my long list of house projects * etc etc etc

I have, like, the twisted-stomach-knotted-pit feeling of stress and frustration just writing these things.  It's not even all the things.  It's NONE of the "working mom" things that are taking up almost all of my brain space.  

I don't want it this way.  

This is a normal struggle for lots and lots of women.  It increased with the advent of feminism, when it began to be culturally encouraged that women get out there and "have it all."  And you know what?  My dreams are big enough to want it all.  

But not this way.  This way does not increase love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, or self-control.  

And yet, there isn't a good way to balance these things out.  There is just too much stuff, and it is also stuff (responsibilities) that I can't just "get rid of." 

I hardly have time to talk with my husband, and when we do talk we are still talking about management things.  Not even enough time, though, to properly manage.  

Ridiculous.  It's the surviving-but-not thriving thing I'm doing.  That so many of us are doing.  It's bad.  There's not a good solution.  

And I'm going to leave it at that for now.  I am generally good at highlighting the good things going on, the many, many graces and mercies God is pouring out all the time.  Sometimes I just need to rant, because keeping the ranting inside my head, like I usually do, gets exhausting.  I guess it's still exhausting to write it, but it's a "bear one another's burdens" kind of helpful.  

Today I don't have the energy or the time to process all the way through this, either.  I just need to somehow tackle the responsibilities.  So you can deal with my less-than-ideal, full-of-hyphenation, (mostly) stream-of-consciousness writing.  








































Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Good Words: Prophetic Prayers Over Our Lives

"(Lydia, who we read about in Acts 16, was a woman from) the city of Thyatira, a seller of purple goods, who worshipped God, who WORSHIPPED God.  The Lord opened her heart, OPENED HER HEART, to heed the things spoken by Paul.  And when she and her household were baptized she begged us, saying, 'If you judge me to be faithful to the Lord come to my house and stay.'  And so she persuaded us.  

You know, when you study her you find out Lydia was a worshipper, but more importantly you find out that Lydia was one that listened and that she was a woman of detail, and a woman who opened up her heart and head.  She had an open heart.  

What's your husband's name? (Andrew) Andrew. I just see your home as a happy place, and where people want to come and gather and you opened your home.  And for some reason I just feel that you're just a healthy eater, I just see organics and, I just feel sorry for your husband--he probably has to sneak out to get something sweet.  But know this, says the Lord, that I am coming with a fresh visitation to your home.  Yea, even throughout the rest of this year and into next year says the Lord, for I am bringing the right ingredients for you.  Know this, says the Lord your God, that you and your husband will run side by side, says the Lord, for I have equally yoked you, says the Lord your God.  

And know this, oh man of God, and get ready, says the Lord, for you are going to be known as a great teacher says the Lord.  And know this, that I have uniquely put you together O man of God, and I have linked your heart and your mind together.  And know this, that the technology that rests deep inside of your spirit, that I have planted it, says the Lord.  You will bring it forth to many others.  

Know this, husband and wife, know this, that as a couple there will be many children around you.  And I see you both being teachers of the Word, says the Lord your God, that you will bring the Word forth no matter where you go.  But O man of God know this, that I see you walking down a dark hall, and it's like you hear the footsteps of a hollow hall.  But know this says the Lord, you carry My Spirit O man of God, and know this, that you're going to touch many young hearts, says the Lord your God.  The two of you need to get ready, says the Lord.  

Know this, O woman of God, that I have given you a clean canvas, and you're going to start to paint with the oils of My Spirit, says the Lord.  And you will paint the canvasses of the hearts of empty women, says the Lord, where they have given up hope, they have given up the desire to even move forward.  

And know this, says the Lord, that I will cause the two of you to be firestarters in young couples' hearts, says the Lord.  And I have put the two of you together says the Lord.  There is a shepherding (given?) to you, says the Lord your God, and you will shepherd.  You will shepherd many couples, says the Lord, that have had hope deferred, that have given up on their lives.  Get ready, for your house will be a sanctuary, your house will be like a Ponderosa [buffet] for My Spirit, says the Lord your God.  

Get ready, for the two of you are about to run a new race, and you will be successful in the races that you run, says the Lord.  For I have put medals around your neck, not to show you as a prideful spirit, but I have put medals around your neck to show others that they can do it.  So get ready, says the Lord, for the rain is about to fall upon your life like you have never seen before.  

And get ready, says the Lord, for you're going to see many come to know Me through your love and though your care and through your perseverance to others, says the Lord.  Your home will be a place where people get radically saved, they will get healed, they will get brought back together.  I see marriages that are splitting coming back together even before they step foot in the church, says the Lord your God.  For I smell, I smell the pastures of a farm, says the Lord, I smell the smell of sheep, says the Lord your God.  And you will be the ones who will pamper and take care of the sheep and you will nourish them back to a health and you will turn their hearts back to Me, says the Lord. 

Amen."