State of the Mama Address

Lewis is almost two weeks old.  And I'm surprised (as I always am with big changes) to realize how quickly "new" becomes "normal."  We are not a fully-adjusted, efficiently running family of four.  But we are taking steps in that direction.  

In the hospital, I was already marveling at how much better my body felt than it did immediately following Lincoln's birth.  With him, the labor popped every tiny capillary from my chest up, left me cross-eyed for multiple hours, required some stitching up, and very thoroughly wiped out my strength for a few days--not to mention the multiple weeks of bodily recovery needed before I felt pretty normal again.  Lewis, on the other hand, left me very, very sleepy, but much more comfortable.  And, fortunately, I was comfortable enough that I was able to sleep, with only occasional doses of pain killer (Lincoln left my mind buzzing and my body hurting enough that I finally asked for a sedative after about 40 hours of being awake).  In the hospital after Lewis was born, I could hold up the hair dryer myself; I took specific note of that little difference!  I also enjoyed my stay more this time, perhaps because I knew it would be my only chance to enjoy whenever-napping and cuddling with just my one new son before going home to cuddle my family. 

At home, I have yet to really experience mothering my two boys while my hubby goes to work; he was able to take a few days off, then a friend came to help me out with a morning, and my mom spent the rest of this past week with us.  Today, I get to write this for you because my wonderful husband has cleaned up our house and made me tea to start the boys' naptime off on a fruitful foot.  It won't be until Monday that I begin my first "real" week as a mother of two...and I have some trepidation about that.  I've been coaching myself in what (not) to expect--but I'm sure it will be just as hard in the moment of emotional overwhelm to cope with what isn't getting done in my life. 

Here are some snapshots from the past week and a half:

• Lewis is a little peanut, tinier than Lincoln ever was.  And he loves to snuggle!  It is such a peaceful joy to cuddle him against me, any hour of the day or night.  
• Last Friday I got Lincoln ready for bed for the first time all week.  That included the first diaper change, the first toothbrushing, the first goodnight prayer.  And I prayed it through my tears, overwhelmed by how very much had changed forever in the course of the week.  As I write, that same thought is making me well up again.  
• I feel most confident in the routine of our evenings.  Of course, tonight we'll spring forward and lose an hour of sleep...unless I'm able to adjust timeframes to shut things down early...
• When Lincoln arrived, I was disappointed in my own reaction.  Those first weeks that I thought were supposed to be full of wonder and joy?  "BORING!  When will this kid ever spend some (day)time awake?"  These days, I am VERY thankful for my sleeping son.  This must be a feature that God programmed just-rightly to accommodate multiple children! 
• Lincoln loves having a baby around, on whom he can lavish kisses and ensure that all facial parts are present.
• But he's beginning to show signs of distress over it, too: three days in a row of refusing to eat normally, suppers marked by wild tantrums, one slap to the top of Lewis's head, overjoyed (not just excited) when daddy gets home from work to chase him through the house and wrestle.
• Lewis is slowly getting better at nursing.  For the first days at home, he ate like a bird, repeatedly falling asleep after 3-minute snacks.  But I'm beginning to see some filling out in his little face.
• Last Sunday, I tried to put my wedding ring back on, and settled for it on my pinky finger. Last night, I got it back in its proper place!
• On Thursday, two landmarks: I got into my real jeans again; and I ran through the rain out to my car and back without thinking about it--but when I realized what I'd just done, I was so excited!
• Lincoln made good friends with Granny B this week.  When she left, he went all over the house looking for "B."
• I am not able to nurse modestly yet.  Not sure how long it will take to get the hang of that skill again.  
• Andy and I have switched sides of the bed so I can get in and out to nurse Lewis more easily.  For some reason, this makes Andy sleep in the middle of the bed more than ever.  Which used to annoy me, but now it feels good to have him cuddled up against me during those chilly night nursings.  
• I've begun to think about the office again and wonder how things are going there, though I haven't had a chance to actually check in with anyone there.  

And this has taken all afternoon to write, because 20 minutes into it Lincoln woke up and needed some stories read.  And then I needed to feed Lewis.  And since then, because he's a cuddler, I've been typing with one hand.  But it's dinnertime.  And there are several things on the list on the whiteboard.   And this is the most important night to go to bed early, right?