Quiet Time

This morning I got to have a quiet Quiet Time for nearly an hour.  This is a treat that I get about once every 6 weeks.  Give or take a month.  And it's always wonderful.  But today, this quiet hour yielded a dump-truck load of...let's say, information...for me to process.  

I started out talking with God about my struggles to love somebody through failed or frustrated expectations.  And that led me to a "speck in her eye, log in my own" realization.  

Isn't the Holy Spirit wonderful?

So I have a confession.  And by making it "public," I am sharing a deep part of my heart with you, and asking for your grace, your accountability, and even (I'll be audacious) your own reflection about what might be hurting your own heart, deep down and over and over again.  

Here's the meat of it:

I am rather terrified of confrontation, is part of it.  I want things to just hum along peacefully and productively.  I don't want to find that somebody doesn't like me the way that I am.  I don't want to be found wanting or in the wrong.  So I try really hard not to be in positions in which I open myself up for hurt.  

So instead I just put up with festering fear and resentment toward people that might well have power to hurt me?  Yep.  

WHAT A GREAT TRADEOFF!  Not.   

Father, I need this healed in me.  I need you to HEAL ME OF MY FEAR OF REJECTION.

Part of that is healing me of MY FEAR OF BEING LESS THAN PERFECT.

And I need You to heal me of MY INSISTENCE THAT MY CHILDREN AND THE PEOPLE I WORK WITH MEET THOSE SAME IMPOSSIBLE EXPECTATIONS.

What a big job, Father!  

And I am just one of 7 1/2 billion people on earth right now, aside from untold millions who have walked this earth since You formed the first of us. 

And we all have these big, deep issues that need Your healing and restoration.  

Shoot.  God, help us.