Out of Control

There is a connection between this and my two-days-ago post, I promise.  Bear with me.  

Forgive the imperfect analogy here--this scene from The Passion of the Christ portrays Satan's raw emotion at the death of Jesus (whether it's triumphant or despairing...I'm not going to research the director's intent with this scene because it isn't the point).   The point is that this picture of fury is what came to my mind as representing 

my own out-of-control emotions.  

Obviously, I don't (often) succumb enough to actually make those noises.  But on the inside?  Yep, I feel just like this more often than I'd really care to admit.  

The feelings are real.  The battle is real, folks.

And I'm sharing this because when I am in the grip of anger, frustration, despairing feelings, I feel like I must be the only one.  

But the truth is that I am not the only one, and neither are you.  So let's talk about it and bear one another's burdens a little better.  

I have such ugly feelings.  I am so ultra-aware of how ugly my feelings are these days, and I praise Jesus and go to church and feel the burden of my broken, hopeless, human heart and decide that "today is the day--no more--my emotions can no longer fuel me--the buck stops here--the end of me--I must decrease, and He must increase."  

And I write down the lyrics to this song--

No turning back,I've made up my mind.I'm giving all of my life this time.Your love makes it worth itYour love makes it worth it allYour love makes it worth it all.

--precisely because it captures the strength of my conviction and simultaneously reminds me of another sermon I heard about Abraham: it was a living sacrifice.