My Last Pregnancy

I seem to have begun a pattern of insomnia.  Which is too bad, since I am usually very, very tired.  I sleep fine for the first part of the night, and then lie awake, or semi-conscious, for some hours.  I'm already uncomfortable--I realized that now, at 9 weeks, I can't spend any time comfortably on my stomach anymore; and I'm too warm (but outside the covers is too cold); sometimes, like last night, I felt suddenly nauseous when I unfolded and sat up straight after reading.  And my brain just won't turn off.  So I lie awake.  

I have had almost zero nausea though.  For the first weeks of this pregnancy, I was sort of praying for some morning sickness, as a sign that You are knitting together a girl in me.  But then I had a 24-hour tummy bug a few weeks ago--and I am SO glad You have not granted that particular request, Father!  I would much rather be tired than nauseous.  

My skin has been perpetually broken out.  

Though I'm not nauseous, my gag reflex seems to be extra sensitive, and most times I brush my teeth I have to hold in a gag when the toothbrush goes just a little too far back.  
I am able now to feel my uterus within me, a little tug against it when I stretch my middle, such as when I kneel by Lewey's bed to say bedtime prayers.  

I often look pretty pregnant.  Which I like right now.  But I realize that when I'm 9 weeks in and look like I did at 20 weeks with Lincoln, this could be a long and uncomfortable pregnancy.  I am way out of shape, and my muscles are not prepared to easily support this baby.  I already feel a touch of sciatica in my left hip.  

Help me to make time and prioritize exercise, Father.  I know the main reason Lincoln's pregnancy was so fantastic, and almost certainly why labor was so quick and smooth, was because I started in good shape, and remained very active throughout my pregnancy.  I walked, swam, did baby mama yoga...  Now I start breathing hard pushing Lewis in the stroller up Markham Street.  

Maps

When my husband and I are driving in unfamiliar territory, I am his co-pilot.  He relies on me to tell him where to go, and if I forget that he doesn't know where he's going one of two things happens: he'll either keep driving like he knows what's up until I realize we're way off track, or he'll just stop at an intersection and not go until I catch on to his waiting and tell him which way we ought to be turning.  Earlier in our marriage there were some awkwardly long intersection waits before I realized he needed my directions, but I've gotten quicker on the uptake :0)

I usually need directions to a new place once (and to travel there), and I'll be able to go back again without a refresher, even quite a time later.  And so it's hard for me to fathom how my hubby can NOT have remembered how to get to a place after what seems like LOTS of repeat visits.  (Also, I like to change up the scenery, so I will go to a place like my parents' house by lots of different routes...so some of hubby's confusion falls on my head...(maniacal laugh).)  

Anyway, he's a little hopeless with getting places.  Until he's studied a map.  If he can look at a map, he can get us there, and knows generally what neck of the woods we're in even when he hasn't been on a particular route.  

Don't we all wish for the map to some degree?  To know what's coming, to see the big picture, the Plan?  Of course we do.  Some of us handle go-with-the-flow muuuuch better than others, but there are times when every one of us just wants to Know.  

And while macadam roads aren't really that big a deal, the roadmap of life--what we're supposed to do, where we're supposed to go, what opportunities we're supposed to accept and decline, what the heck that heartbreak or hiccup was all about--those things are the stuff of heart-peace.  Or the lack of it.  

And for those questions, there's only one good answer:

"Thomas said to him, 'Lord, we do not know WHERE you are going.  How can we know the way?'  Jesus said to him, 'I AM THE WAY, the truth, and the life."  

And a few minutes later (and this is right before he was betrayed by Judas and taken to be brutally murdered...which he knew about from his Father Map), he told his friends, "PEACE I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  LET NOT YOUR HEARTS BE TROUBLED, neither let them be afraid."  

Follow Him.  He knows where He's leading you.  

End of a Mini-Epoch

Sometimes I have hypothetical conversations in my head.  Like, after noticing a man in the grocery store take a second look at the whistling girl (me), the head-conversation ran like this: 

(Man) "Why are you so happy?"  

(Me) "Oh, I don't know...because the sun is defying the thermometer today.  And because I'll be bringing a stinkin' awesome fruit and veggie selection to the Super Bowl party tomorrow.  And because I JUST FINISHED PAINTING THE CHURCH HALLWAY!"  

So this church hallway painting project?  I originally meant it to be a summer project--you know, while Andy was home to play with the boys.  And so, because the Rest Of Life still happens, and because I'm a very slow meticulous painter, and apparently a gross under-estimator...

...this project is concluded on January 31st, 2015.  Hooray!  Here is a sampling of the hallway mural work for you:

Next up: the nursery.  Noah's Neighborhood is about to have a serious makeover.

Getting a Fresh Wind

Andy and I ate a weird dinner of reconstituted turkey casserole while the boys were still sleeping.  Turkey casserole apparently doesn't freeze well, but freshly sauteed onion and celery and some homemade croutons made it bearable.  

When they did wake up, all they wanted was to cuddle.  Well, what Lincoln wanted was NOT to cuddle, but to be sitting on Andy's lap without Andy touching him at all.  He's kind of a weird kid sometimes :0)  

So we put a movie on.  And hubby and I promptly fell asleep.  

We came to at 7:36, when Lincoln finally started asking for food.  

Andy went to bed (he deserves a break, being under the weather and short on sleep all week long).  

And somehow I got a fresh wind.  The boys had paper-plate dinners with all major food groups represented (a baby carrot and some grapes definitely redeem hot dogs and croutons!), while I washed a few dishes...which turned into all the dishes...and the house is pretty well picked up...and the boys are making marker masterpieces.  

And I wrote you a blog post.  Remarkable!

But It's OK

Sometimes I wonder why I should bother to write things to you, because it's all been said already.  Why would the world need another post encouraging mamas, or giving tips to be better organized, or reminding you that thankfulness makes a difference, or sharing my own children's moments or the views out my window?  There's so much of it already, it's overwhelming!  

But we forget, don't we?  So, so quickly, we forget to be mindful of a larger perspective than our day is dictating to us.  

And who am I to assume that you have found the same wonderful encouragement that I have today?  After all, overwhelming tasks are often avoided, even the good ones.  

And if I don't share pieces of my life with you, what's the point?  We are wired for relationship.  I need you, and you need me.  We fulfill and satisfy heart-needs in each other when we share life.  

Anyway, sitting here to put thoughts into words organizes my brain, and allows me to think more deeply, to form more fully the thoughts "on my mind" but not especially rooted in my soul.  And these thoughts, they need deeper roots.  They need to bear fruit in me, and by sitting down to write I allow the Holy Spirit to cultivate my Soil more intentionally.  

You may think I'm wonderful about perspective things.  I know this to be probably true because I think it about some of the wonderful people I know, and feel bad inside about my frequent failures in comparison.  

But I want to let you know: I'm messy too.  A Lot Of The Time I feel like I'm not good enough.  And usually dwelling on that goes ahead and makes me grumpy, so that even the good I've done in a day is spoiled by my grumping around.  

I KNOW it's hard to pare down, I KNOW there's a lot on the plate, and I KNOW just how many options there are for how to use a day, an hour, a few minutes.  

I am determined to learn and grow and change, with at least a vague notion of what my life would be if I could only...(praypassionately, putthefooddown, exerciseconsistently, affordamonthlymassage, studyscripturedeeply, writeachildren'sbook, writeathousandthankyounotes, becheerfulwithmyfamily, forgiveforever, washthedishes, putthelaundryaway, haveboundlessmercyandgrace, pulltheweeds, speakmyheart, etc).  

But it's ok.  

I am learning.  I am growing.  I am changing.  

Little acorns from oak trees grow.  

Learn to love what must be done.  

Choose the right next thing.  

So I write.  

And So We Begin

On Monday, Lincoln will enter a new era: that of the school child!  After several months of irregular school at home, we realized that in order for him (for all of us) to be emotionally and physically prepared for full-day kindergarten next fall he needed to be in a classroom now.  
He will spend the rest of this school year in morning pre-k at our local elementary school, and (other than a much-adjusted morning schedule for me) we are all excited about the start of this new season.  
On the last day before Christmas vacation, we visited his classroom.  Andy got to come too, because his district had already begun vacation, and we thoroughly enjoyed observing while Lincoln joined with his classmates as they rotated through Centers, watercoloring, doing seat work, and calendar time all together.  We are very happy with his teacher and classroom environment, both from our own interactions and feedback we've gotten from friends with older kids.  
The above pictures were taken outside the main entrance to his school we before we headed out to lunch to celebrate his "first day"; he was in the mood for a goofy photo shoot.  That might have had something to do with the cupcakes everybody shared to celebrate a classmate's birthday...

Despite our excitement, we're going to need His grace for this new season!  Probably me more than any of us, as mornings will suddenly look very different from my usual relaxed quiet times and leisurely breakfasts.  I plan to drive Lincoln to school instead of putting him on the bus, so the clock will become very important :0)

Location, Location, Location

Today I was a mom of three, and after eating an early lunch I realized it was potentially another two hours until nap time.  Oh man, I was ready for a nap already!

So I bundled up the kiddos, strapped the baby to my front, and we went outside for some fresh air.  I walked back and forth along my property front to enjoy the benefits of a "walk", and the slip-free road surface.  The boys started by diving into the snow of the front yard, but quickly moved over behind the garage, where we have a steep embankment that they love sliding/sledding down.  As Lincoln led the way over there, planning to slide on bottoms where there actually wasn't much snow to cushion them, I asked him, "What if you get a stick in your butt?"  A similar thing happened to me once.  Not fun.  But I decided we'd just deal with that gore if we came to it.  They had a wonderful time.  No stick injuries to speak of.  

It occurred to me as I walked, once again, how much I appreciate the location of our home.  We're tucked away on a back street of our village, and the only cars I saw during my time on the road were the mail carrier and a friend dropping my neighbor off at home.  There were signs of lots of "foot traffic": squirrels and mice tunnels and rabbits and cats and deer and boys.  

What a gift for my afternoon.  The Lord knew exactly where our home ought to be, giving us the best of both village and woods life.  I got to snuggle a baby as she watched my boys' antics, and then fell asleep on my chest.  I filled my lungs with fresh air instead of a fresh cup of coffee, and my body felt better for it.  

When I relocate my thoughts to Gifts and the Giver instead of whatI'dratherbedoing, all of life is better for it.